


From Childhood's Hour

by dralexreid



Series: Dr Piper Bishop [72]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dralexreid/pseuds/dralexreid
Summary: TW: reference to suicide, depression and self-harm
Relationships: Dr Spencer Reid/Dr Piper Bishop
Series: Dr Piper Bishop [72]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972852
Comments: 15
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: reference to suicide, depression and self-harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mother diagnosed with clinical depression. A child forced to become self-sufficient. Piper is forced to relive her worst memories as she works with the BAU to try and rescue an abducted child.

Rossi was late. That wasn’t new though. It was common knowledge that Rossi arrived at his own leisurely pace. But they’d never had to delay a briefing on his account. So, when the seasoned profiler arrived, it was a surprise to most of them. But he arrived nonetheless, and the briefing started. They were dealing with a child abduction in St Louis, Missouri. A 9-year-old vanished two days ago in a residential area where his mother dropped him off.

“48 hours and we’re only hearing about this now?” Derek asked Penelope. She looked particularly stunning today with her sunny disposition and bright blue jacket, her sunny yellow brooch matching the flowery ring on her finger. Piper stifled a smile as she noticed the glance.

“Yeah. That's 'cause Mom didn't know her son was gone,” Penelope answered sullenly. Piper’s smile dropped instantly, her hand reaching for Spencer’s thigh. “She assumed that he was with the grandmother and just left him there.”

“So, she's not exactly on the short list for mother of the year,” JJ scoffed, her blonde hair delicately falling over her shoulders, oblivious to how Piper’s face fell. She didn’t hear any of the other things the table discussed, how the father was convicted of embezzlement, lost in her own thoughts. Her heart rate sped up just slightly as she relived an old memory of her youngest sister, no older than 4, disappearing into an alley during a grocery shop, her father’s disappointed look at her mother. She’d finally found her at a bakery they always went to, looking at all the pretty pastries. Piper had given her a pretty pink donut and walked her home, making sure Lucy knew that her father wasn’t really disappointed or angry. But Lucy was only 4 after all. She never quite understood how heavy that disappointment could go. Or for how long.

Spencer nudged her, letting her know silently that the briefing was over. Piper closed the tablet, placing it gently in her satchel before following the others out. Derek bumped shoulders with her, an anxious gaze directed to her as they made their way out. Piper returned the bump with a small smile, reassuring him. That was the benefit of behavioural analysts. They never had to voice their concern. Entire conversations took place between them consisting of bumped shoulders, winks and stray glances. Some were overtly obvious, like Rossi’s eye rolls.

Others were more subtle, like when Derek nudged Emily, making her glance at Rossi who was the last to take a seat in the jet, talking on the phone. Rossi turned, catching their unsubtle stares as he slipped the phone into his pocket. “What?” he asked, taking a seat next to JJ in the middle of the jet.

“Nothing. Just somebody's got a lot of extra pep in their step this morning, that's all,” Derek said, smirking at the old man.

“Probably just doubled up on his vitamins,” Emily teased, turning to share a smile with Piper who was perched on a counter but was too lost in her thoughts to mirror it.

“Definitely doubled up on something,” Derek continued, the joke making Rossi scoff and JJ roll her eyes with Aaron refocusing the conversation on the matter at hand.

“I have so much on the mother, and try as I might, none of it is good,” Penelope said, her voice bouncy and cheery despite the terrible news. “Marlene Smith has a history of erratic behaviour, seriously clinically depressed, two suicide attempts in the last 5 years.”

“Was she being treated for her depression?” Spencer asked gently, concern lined above his brows as his gaze shifted easily between Penelope and Piper.

“Oh, my gosh, yes. Like more pill-popping than Elvis. Yes.” Piper’s knuckles turned white; her jaw clenched in an effort to remain silently in pain as her nails dug into her palms.

“Depression is one of the few things that can overwhelm the maternal instinct,” JJ said with an expert-like tone. Derek glanced over the double seat to Piper who sat stiffly in her seat.

“What about the grandmother?” Emily asked, shifting the conversation away from clinical depression.

“I don't have anything on her yet, but don't reach for your remote. I'll be back,” Penelope said ominously before blipping out.

“Two suicide attempts,” Derek proposed thoughtfully. “Why hasn't child services intervened?”

“Probably talked her way out of it,” Rossi surmised.

“A woman with clinical depression can’t talk herself out of self-harm,” Piper said bitterly. “I don’t see how it would work with child services.” The jet went silent, save for the hum of the engine.

“Most social services are overworked and underfunded,” Emily said, slowly taking the reins of the discussion. “Things slip through the cracks.”

“If this boy's mother tried to commit suicide and he's from a chronically unhappy household, maybe this wasn't an abduction at all,” Spencer said uncertainly, afraid of provoking an angry outburst. “What if Bobby simply ran away?”

“When 9-year-old boys run away, they’re usually home for supper,” Rossi countered carefully. Hotch distributed the orders; JJ and Bishop tackling the mother, Reid and Morgan to the house and Prentiss and Rossi to the abduction site. The silence was palpable as JJ drove them to the station. The blonde wasn’t at all sure of what to say to her that would come out wrong.

“Everything okay?”

“Fine,” Piper said abruptly, clearly attempting to kill the conversation.

“So, I was thinking I’d take the lead with the interview,” JJ offered, taking a turn.

“If you want to,” Piper said placidly, uninterested.

“Well, I-I mean, only because I’m a mom—”

“Yeah, and you’re a perfect mom. I got it. Take the lead,” Piper said bitterly as the car came to a halt and she burst out of the SUV, slamming the door behind her. JJ scrambled to follow her into the station where Aaron introduced them to the detective and began briefing him on the plan while JJ and Piper sidled through the door into the interrogation room.

“I'm Agent Jareau. This is Dr Bishop. We’re with the FBI.”

“Have you heard anything from my Bobby?” the woman asked, her expression crushingly devastated.

“No, ma'am. But our entire team is here and we're the best at what we do. We're gonna need your help, ok?” Piper almost looked drowsy in melancholia while JJ sat next to the woman. “I have a boy of my own,” JJ continued. “He's almost 3. I can't even imagine what you are going through.”

“He’s just so little,” she said softly, tears drying on her face. Piper passed her a tissue box, motioning for her to clean up a little. The woman’s face was sallow and dehydrated. Her heart panged for the young woman.

“Have you had anything to eat, ma’am?” Piper asked her gently. “Maybe something to drink?” JJ passed her a look.

 _This is hardly the time,_ she said with her eyes. Piper opted to ignore her.

“No, I just want to find Bobby,” the woman said tearfully.

“Can you tell me what happened the morning you dropped him off?” JJ said, regaining control of the interview.

“I was having one of my bad days,” the woman said, running a hand over her face.

“And what does one of your bad days look like?” JJ asked.

“I wanted to hurt myself,” the woman confessed. “I can't control it.”

“Is that why you took him to his grandmother?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I had to protect him.”

“And you had done this in the past?” JJ asked.

“Yeah,” the mother sniffled, reaching for a tissue, trying to console herself.

“You had to get him out of the house,” Piper murmured, understanding slowly.

“It’s all I kept thinking about. It was just ‘Get him out!’” Mrs Smith said, starting to cry.

“It’s okay,” Piper consoled her, reaching a hand to clasp hers. “I understand. You couldn’t let him see what was happening.”

“As soon as I felt better, I went to my mother’s house to pick him up. And um, that’s when they told me he wasn’t there.”

“You didn't call ahead before you dropped him off?” JJ asked.

“Yeah. She didn't answer.”

“She didn't have an answering machine?” JJ asked confusedly.

“Yeah, she has, but there wasn't time for that,” the mother said, growing annoyed and irritated.

“Please help me understand, Mrs. Smith,” JJ tried, growing exasperated. “It takes 10 seconds to leave a message.” The woman went silent, JJ’s cool, calm voice only irritating her further. “Look, these bad days you have, I understand,” JJ tried again, clearly not understanding until Mrs Smith started rolling up her sleeves. “There—there must be times when—"

“Look!” Mrs Smith exposed her wrists, shoving them so JJ could look at them clearly. Pale pink scars glowered on her skin. “Bobby saw me do this before. Twice. I had to get him out of the house.”

“JJ,” Piper warned quietly, and she took the hint, getting up to leave the room and standing watch outside with Hotch as the woman broke down into uncontrollable sobs. She glanced back at the reflective glass and turned back to the woman. Taking in a deep breath, she pulled her right sleeve back slowly. The woman stopped crying, watching with rapt attention as Piper sucked in a breath and unbuckled her wristwatch. “A week ago, I killed a man who was about to attack my team.” The job done; Piper pulled the sleeve down. “I know you’re scared, and that you feel worthless, like you have no control over anything.”

“Then you know. You know, I couldn’t let him see any of that.”

“Yeah. But Mrs Smith, I’ve been on the other end too. I watched my mother destroy herself slowly until she couldn’t take it anymore.”

“You still miss her?”

“I wish she were here every day. There’s so much I haven’t told her, so much I haven’t asked her. I know you love Bobby. Is there anyone who knew about your depression?”

“Um, my mother, his teachers knew. My neighbours, most of my relatives. At least, the ones that didn’t cut us off.” Piper reached into her pocket, pulling out a business card.

“If you ever need someone to talk to,” she offered, placing the number and sliding it to the woman. “It’s an emergency hotline. They’re very good at their job.”

“Please find my son,” Mrs Smith pleaded.

“I will do my absolute best.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: suicide, self-harm, dysfunctional family, psychological abuse, depression

An officer let the two federal agents inside dismissively and Spencer shrugged at Derek’s raised eyebrow. “Hey, you know what’s up with our rookie?” It was Derek’s new favourite nickname for Piper these days. He’d been particularly proud of that one because of the chess connection and because she was a rookie to the profiling gig.

“I think aspects of this case are particularly reminiscent of her childhood. Mother with clinical depression.”

“A child who had to mature too early,” Derek finished.

“I just hope she doesn’t snap at JJ,” Spencer added, glancing around the messy house as he snapped his gloves on

“Why would she snap at JJ?”

“JJ’s a new mom,” Spencer said nonchalantly. “Plus she had a rocky relationship with her mother and what happened with her sister. Opposing traumas have a tendency to collide and when they do—”

“It becomes a powder keg. Got it,” Derek said, walking into the main bedroom. “Cheerful,” he scoffed, moving to open the curtains. The dust that gathered on his fingertips suggested that the room hadn’t seen daylight in days.

“Depression is a vicious cycle,” Spencer explained, glad to have the comfort of his research to fall back on. “It frequently manifests itself in the degradation of one's personal living environment, which in turn fuels the depression, which then worsens the living environment.”

“Alright, well, I’ll take this room. You take the kitchen,” Derek proposed, satisfied with Spencer’s explanation.

“Ah, the kitchen,” Spencer muttered bitterly.

“Something up?”

“Frankly, I’m not looking forward to the perishable foods version of this room.” It took Spencer about ten minutes to fully catalogue the kitchen, including the refrigerator. Just as he wrapped up his end of the analysis, Derek called him back in.

“Four pairs of shoes,” Derek said sagely, only confusing Spencer. Was this what it felt like to be out of the loop in terms of analysing behaviour?”

“I don’t see the relevance.”

“Come on, Reid. How many women you know that own only four pairs of shoes?”

“My experience in and around women's closets isn't exactly extensive enough to really formulate an opinion,” Spencer said, matter-of-factly as he followed Derek into the kid’s bedroom which was adjoined to the main room. He simply chuckled.

“Well, you can take my word for it. The answer is none.” Spencer’s brow furrowed.

“Well... She even set up a separate area so he could do his homework,” he said, gesturing to the corner next to the child’s wardrobe.

“Mom has serious financial issues, denies herself even the smallest luxury, and yet...”

“Splurges to take her son to an expensive theme park and then buys a pricey picture frame so he can remember the experience.”

“She wants him to remember her as more than her depression,” Derek surmised with a deep sigh. “This is gonna be a tough case.”

“Aren’t they all?” Spencer asked, joking weakly.

“Very funny,” Derek said dryly. “I reckon we’re done here.”

* * *

They made their way back to the precinct, joining the team who were waiting patiently for them to arrive. Piper watched concernedly as a police officer escorted the mother out. She’d wanted to go with her, make sure she got home okay and actually had something to eat, but Hotch had dismissed her concern. They needed to find the boy first. “The mother’s not a suspect?” the detective asked, following her gaze. JJ watched Piper’s jaw clench again but clearly, it wasn’t enough to stop her.

“Should she be?” Piper challenged him. “She hasn’t done anything wrong. She made a mistake, the situation escalated. That’s a far cry from abducting her own son.” Hotch held out a hand, but she’d already finished her piece, once again solemnly silent.

“Based on our assessment, we need to reprioritise,” Hotch said simply.

“Her concern for her son was genuine,” JJ explained. “Her tone of voice, body language. She didn't once ask if she was in trouble, under arrest, where's my lawyer? None of that.” Piper’s face had grown stony, anger held behind the brink of her usually kind, warm gaze. She didn’t miss how Spencer’s hand glided to Piper’s knee, trying to ground her with his touch. It worked as Piper’s body relaxed under his touch, her eyes closing as she silently tried to calm down.

“Home environment points the same direction,” Derek said. “The money's tight, but mom did whatever she could to create a nice world for her son. Whatever cash she had she spent on him.”

“Only 4 pairs of shoes in her closet,” Spencer added helpfully, making JJ look at him confusedly. Even Piper looked up, her brow furrowed at the unusual addition. “And she taught her son to be self-sufficient. The kitchen was scaled down to a 9-year-old's level so he could microwave his own meals, get food and utensils from the pantry. He even had his own little keyring so he could come and go as he pleased.” Piper stiffened at that finding and Spencer almost flinched when she moved her thigh, making his hand slip while she gripped the edge of her seat so tight that her knuckles turned white. Involuntarily, she remembered being 8, struggling to reach the cereal at the top of the cabinet while her baby sister screamed in her high-chair.

* * *

“Daniel, help Lucy with her breakfast,” she called out and silently, the young boy who still struggled to tie his laces together, moved over to the kitchen counter, pulling silly faces to cheer up his little sister. Her father finally emerged from the bathroom, fixing the watch on his wrist as he walked past the kitchen. “Daddy!” she cried out from her tippy toes. “I can’t reach the cereal.” He simply looked at her, his 9-year-old daughter, as though she was a bothersome pet. “Daddy help me?” she pleaded.

“Piper just grab a chair or a stool,” he said exasperatedly. “Honestly, can’t you see I have to get to work?” Piper landed back on her heels, her large brown eyes staring at the tiled floors, embarrassed that she hadn’t come up with such an easy solution.

“Sorry, Dad. Won’t happen again,” she mumbled. Leo just sighed, moving forward to squat on his heels.

“It’s okay. But you’re better than this, sweetheart.” She melted into his hand as he cupped her cheek until he drew away again, the warmth leaving her skin. “Make sure you take care of your siblings.”

“You could drop us off?” Piper asked again, smiling slowly at her favourite memory of the two of them laughing and singing along to the melody. But he shook her head and her memory melted into a distant fantasy.

“Not this again,” he sighed. “I keep telling you these things are complicated. You never listen, Piper. Dropping you off at school will take too long. I need this promotion.” And so, he left the girl staring at the kitchen tiles again, slamming the door behind him and Piper flinched, coming back to reality as Emily and Dave approached the team.

“How'd it go?” Derek asked them.

“It took a while, but grandma's alibi checked out,” David answered. “She was with two lady friends in Seneca, the other side of the state.”

“Acquaintances, relatives, teachers,” Emily listed. “So far, they've all checked out.”

“This is starting to look more and more like a stranger abduction.”

“Yeah, but the area Bobby disappeared from has a decent amount of foot traffic,” Emily countered. “If he'd put up a struggle, chances are someone would have noticed.”

“My guess is Bobby knew his abductor or trusted him,” Dave announced.

“The trip to grandma's house was a spur-of-the-moment decision,” Piper said quietly, capturing everyone’s attention.

“The unsub must have been staking out the mother's house, saw them leaving, and followed,” Derek surmised.

“Yeah, but self-sufficient kids don’t just trust anyone,” Piper countered. “They keep everything in their family life a secret. The only people that know are the people that are consistent in their life. They don’t talk about it unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“How did the unsub get into Bobby's life?” Aaron asked her.

“And who would Bobby trust with that kind of secret?” Dave added. Piper didn’t have to think twice.

“The only person you trust is someone who understands. Someone who knows what it’s like. Having an absent father, a distant mother, having to take care of yourself. It isn’t an authority figure; self-sufficient kids don’t trust them at all.” JJ’s brow furrowed.

“Why not? They can help.”

“Having social services tear your family apart isn’t helping and the foster system only helps the system feel better,” Piper snapped. “You trust the wrong person, and everything falls apart.”


	3. Chapter 3

Piper forced the bile back down her throat as Spencer lifted the white sheet from the body. She fought to keep the tears from welling up as Spencer analysed Mrs Smith’s bloody, pale body. “There's something strange about the body. She was slaughtered by someone completely out of control, yet on her wrists, there are precise wounds on top of where she already cut herself, only deeper.” Piper wanted to puke and the only thing stopping her was Derek’s warm hand pressing gently on her shoulder. She let herself sink into his touch, trying to control her breathing. She nodded once, letting Derek refocus on the crime scene.

“Like he was trying to replicate her suicide attempts but then lost control,” Aaron remarked, squatting to get a better view at the body.

“She showed me her cuts,” Piper announced softly. “Couldn’t be more than a week old and she said Tommy saw her twice. It’s possible he told the unsub and he lashed out.”

“Maybe this was never about the kid at all, but about the mother,” Derek surmised, following Piper’s theory.

“Make her suffer for a few days by taking the child, then kill her?”

“What if Bobby’s a surrogate? Unsub uses his personal experience to get close to Bobby. Bobby trusts him, tells him what he saw his mom do. Unsub takes him away to protect him.”

“Like a saviour complex?” Spencer asked, watching Piper play with her rings.

“I'll call Garcia,” Derek offered. Usually, Piper would’ve given Derek grief over it, teasing him over Penelope as he did with her and Spencer. But she had already walked away from the scene, trying to breathe in air that didn’t smell of tears and blood. She pinched the bridge of her nose, her hand shaking as she started struggling to breathe again.

“No, not now, please,” she murmured, getting as far away from the grocery parking lot as possible. _You could’ve saved her. You had one more chance to protect her and you failed. You failed. You failed. You failed._

“Bishop?” Aaron’s concerned voice spilled out from behind her. “Is everything okay?” Piper whirled around, angry. Finally, properly angry. She hadn’t felt fire in her veins in a long time. Or the blood pounding in her ears, steady, incessant drumming that made her want to scream.

“This is on you, you know that, right?” She snapped, her voice brittle but sharp as steel. “I told you. I told you I should’ve been with her. I could’ve protected her.”

“You’re being emotional,” Aaron tried cautioning her, his tone like an alarm bell warning her to back off. “Our priority is her son.”

“Yeah, and you can be the first to tell him that his mother is dead because we failed to protect her,” she said fiercely, her tone biting at him.

Spencer’s gaze flitted to Piper arguing with Hotch, then to Derek who stood about half a mile away from them talking to Penelope. “Hey, baby girl,” he purred into the cell phone. “Whatever you’re doing, drop it.”

“Oh, yes, and with pleasure,” she said, relieved to finally have something to do other than file her pristine fingernails. “Let me tell you something, sweetheart. This is a Lamborghini you are talking to. You have to drive me. You can't just leave me parked in the garage collecting dust or I will wilt.” Derek chuckled despite himself.

“Please forgive my neglect. I need you to rev up that fine-tuned Italian engine of yours, then.”

“Revving,” Penelope obliged.

“Our unsub had personal details about Marlene Smith, so I need you to figure out who might have been in her house recently. Cable guy, plumber, people like that.”

“Yeah, I always wonder about plumbers,” Penelope said, her voice carrying over the clacking of keyboards. “You know they peek in your medicine cabinet. You just know it.” Derek hid a smirk skilfully as Piper approached him.

“Maybe try a phone repairman or a babysitter,” Derek offered. “Check computers in the house. Maybe she used one of those techies fix-it type dweebs who makes house calls.”

“Hey, watch it. Language!” Penelope murmured in outrage.

“You know I'm just playing with you, but come on, put a rush on it. Clock's ticking, okay?”

“Rush is the only speed a Lamborghini has. Proud techie dweeb over and out. Beep beep ya.” Derek smiled to himself, slipping the cell into his pocket before meeting Piper’s gaze.

“You okay?”

“I’m about to stick a knife into the next person that asks me that,” Piper muttered. “We’ve got another abduction. 4-year-old boy, about half an hour ago. Hotch wants you and Reid to interview the mom.”

“Wh-hold up, I thought you were working interviews with JJ on this one,” Derek said, a brow rising in concern.

“Hotch wants me back at the precinct,” Piper sighed. “I kinda lost my cool at him. I’m gonna go, see if there’s a connection between the two parents with Emily.” Derek nodded, squeezing Piper’s shoulder before leaving in a car with Spencer. Hotch stayed behind with the coroner, watching as Piper backed out of the parking lot and drove back to the precinct.

Derek and Spencer stood shoulder to shoulder as they confronted the mother. Spencer’s amber gaze narrowed, noting the panicked behaviour, the constant rustling of her hair, the urge to scratch an unwavering itch on her arm and shoulder. “Mrs. Tanner, please don't take this the wrong way, but exactly what drug are you addicted to?” Spencer asked. “You're displaying symptoms of withdrawal.”

“Are you crazy?” the woman asked, answering the question with a question.

“Ma'am, we saw two deals going down on the other side of the park when we arrived,” Derek explained. “You were here to buy, weren't you? That's what had you distracted.”

“I can't believe that you actually think I would—”

“Your child is missing, Ms. Tanner,” Derek interrupted her protest. “Every minute, every half-minute counts. You need to tell us the truth and you need to tell us now.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piper runs out of patience for her team's insensitivity, particularly at one agent's holier-than-thou attitude || Also, the reference of the case Spencer makes is detailed in A Series of Emotional Events (Maybe Taylor Swift Was Onto Something) || again, reference to depression, suicide and self-harm

Piper rolled her shoulders, wincing slightly. Mrs Tanner was a drug addict, fitting their theory perfectly. Male unsub, mid to late 20s and physically fit. He had a saviour complex, taking children from unfit parents. He had abandonment issues stemming from his childhood and his method of operation suggested he was violent but inexperienced with classic psychopathic traits. They were looking at first responders, child service workers, ambulance personnel. She let out a deep breath, trying to focus on finding the unsub. With Ms Tanner in protective custody, the unsub would grow volatile, turning against the children who probably wanted nothing more than going home. Her soft brown eyes opened; her gaze fixed on two pictures of the two little abducted boys. “Hey,” Spencer’s soft voice floated up from behind her and she turned, dropping her hands to her side. “Thought you could use some coffee.” Piper hummed happily, taking the mug from him. “Derek warned me that you might stab me if I asked if you were okay,” Spencer said, taking a sip of his coffee, smiling at Piper’s soft snort.

“Just bad memories,” Piper sighed. “I’m fine.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Nothing I haven’t already told you,” she scoffed, taking a seat on a table as she cradled her mug. Spencer watched her tentatively, unsure of how to approach the next question.

“JJ said you cut yourself,” Spencer said uncertainly, and Piper stared at her mug.

“Of course, she did,” Piper sighed, placing the mug down beside her. “She had no right to—”

“You weren’t going to tell me?” Spencer asked, locking eyes with her concernedly.

“I was. I just—I didn’t know how,” Piper said, letting her hands fall to her lap. “It won’t happen again,” she said, the words echoing in her ears. Four words she had been saying her entire life.

“Dr Hartley, does she know?” Piper nodded, her head weighing down like lead.

“She wants me to start taking anti-depressants,” Piper whispered, a tear splattering on her hand. “Frankly, I’m not surprised. With my genetics and age and this job, I’m surprised I wasn’t showing symptoms earlier.” Spencer surged forward, taking her hands in his own.

“Piper, we live together. I think I would notice if you were depressed. You are not turning into your mother.” Piper looked up, meeting his adorable gaze. “Mrs Smith was a single mom. She was alone and you are not. You say you feel tired all the time, and maybe that’s true. But maybe you’re a beautiful ember, waiting for a spark to set you on fire. I saw you yelling at Hotch. Defending Mrs Smith from that detective and frankly, he’s a half-wit.” Piper snorted in laughter, letting her forehead rest on his shoulder and his hand came up to cradle her head and he pressed a kiss to her hair. “Do you remember one of the first cases we worked? That domestic violence case where you compared my theory to Colonel Mustard with the candlestick?” Piper groaned against his shoulder.

“You had to bring it up?” Piper asked with a faint smile, pulling away from him and grasping her coffee mug.

“That’s not the part I remember the most. What I remember is you coming for my throat every time you thought I was wrong.” Piper shrugged, slurping her coffee.

“Because you were wrong,” she grinned.

“My point is,” he emphasised, jabbing her in the abdomen. “I knew back then that you weren’t a quitter.” Piper hummed.

“You hated it.”

“No, I didn’t,” he protested. “Frankly, I was just happy to have an intelligent conversation instead of everyone just humming in agreement.”

“Yeah, well, if everyone had just agreed with you, no-one would have checked the…” Piper’s voice trailed off thoughtfully, her face becoming pensive. “I need Garcia immediately.” Spencer nodded, reaching for the speaker in the middle of the table and jabbing Penelope’s direct line in.

“Resident genius speaking, state your emergency.”

“Garcia, I need you to do something that’s potentially illegal.”

“Honey, I’m a hacker. I’m bad for all the right reasons. What do you need?”

“I need you to hack into 911’s call log and send me all the calls received at exactly the same time as when emergency calls were sent from the Tanners and the Smiths.”

“Okay and that is woah.”

“Too many?” Piper asked.

“Yeah, it’s in the hundreds. Help me narrow this down,” Penelope said as Rossi and JJ entered the room.

“They found the Tanner kid, he called 9-1-1, that’s who we’re looking for,” JJ relayed.

“Already ahead of you,” Piper said. “Pen, use the profile.”

“Refine your search to males between 25 and 30 years of age,” Spencer added.

“And our unsub probably has abandonment issues, so look for backgrounds that reflect that,” David continued. A history of foster care or someone who was farmed out to other relatives by his own parents.”

“It’s probably someone new to the job too. The abductions would have started earlier otherwise,” Piper added.

“Can you trace individual 911 dispatchers based on calls they would have received?” JJ asked, starting to become aware of the cold shoulder Piper was bringing.

“Okay, look, let me make this clear,” Penelope said, slightly irritated. “There are a quarter of a billion 911 calls annually. That's like 10 calls every second of every day. And non-emergent calls are disposed of quickly.”

“Well, this operator would have been on duty when both calls came in from the Smith and Tanner families,” JJ tried. “And he would have been off duty at the times of the two abductions and Marlene Smith's murder.”

“Oh, my God. This brings needle in a haystack to a whole other dimension, but I will go to that dimension and I will cross-reference, and I will call you back.”

“If anyone can, it’s you,” Piper said, smiling at their first big break in the case and Penelope beamed before blipping out. JJ stared at the board at the little 4-year-old boy. Spencer pressed a quick kiss to Piper’s cheek before leaving to get takeout for the team. Piper took a seat, returning to her coffee as Penelope started sending possible suspects to her tablet. Rossi followed JJ’s gaze and took a step towards the evidence board.

“A mom who wants to kill herself. What does that say to a child?” he murmured to JJ, piquing Piper’s interest. “That you’re not worth sticking around for?” Piper closed her eyes, the gunshot echoing in her head, her breathing becoming shallower and shallower, barely paying attention to the conversation behind them.

“I could never imagine leaving Henry like that,” JJ said mournfully. “You’d think having a child dependent on you would be enough to want to stay alive, right?” Piper’s eyes were still closed, gripping her coffee mug tightly, her knuckles closed around the ear of the cup as she remembered everything like it was yesterday.

* * *

Shaking and scared, Piper was crouched inside her wardrobe, clothes tickling her nose. But she didn’t even dare to breathe, never mind sneeze as she waited for another sound. Any sound. The sound of footsteps. Maybe the front or a back door closing. It felt like hours passed as she sat there until the silence became unbearable. She pushed the oak door open with a wince as it creaked loudly before reaching in the corner for her baseball bat. _You could be Jeanne D’Arc!_ Her mother’s voice was like soothing honey. _Never going down without a fight. That’s my girl!_ And suddenly, she wasn’t afraid.

Her mother was obviously being ridiculous. Piper was confident that Jeanne D’Arc was exceptional, and probably delusional if she honestly thought God was telling her to lead France into battle. But she gripped the metal bat anyway, treading softly through the house, towards her parents’ room. The door was closed, locked from the inside. Piper tried to kick it open, like on TV, but it didn’t work. Just giving her a dull, throbbing pain and so she tried with the bat instead. But that didn’t work either. “Mom!” Her yell was panicked. _Why wouldn’t she open the door?_ “Mom!” she screamed, hitting the door over and over with the bat until she was crying. In a final act of desperation, she ran to the landline, dialling 9-1-1. It was a lady on the other end who was incredibly kind, probably because she realised that there was no stranger that had shot the young girl’s mother. Piper ran to the window from the outside of the house, starting to smash it in with her bat, knowing fully well her father would ground her to eternity when he came home. But surely, her mother being fatally injured would get her off. Piper was careful to break the sharp edges before crawling through the window frame only to tumble out and crash onto the carpet, groaning. “Mom?” Piper rolled over, getting to her feet before noticing the rocking chair her mother was seated on. She screamed, tears streaming down her face as she ran to her mother, begging her to come back. But there was no recovering from this gunshot wound.

“Piper,” she said warmly, and Piper looked up, begging her mother to wake up. “Piper!”

* * *

She flinched awake, startled by JJ’s voice. “Are you okay?” Piper blinked steadily, the conversation coming back to her.

“I’m fine,” Piper snapped, closing her tablet and grabbing her jacket as she stormed out of the room.

“Where are you going?” JJ asked. If the blonde woman had better instincts, she would have stayed put. But instead, JJ followed Piper outside, her silky straight hair flouncing as she ran out the door to catch up with Piper.

“Somewhere you aren’t,” Piper muttered darkly, sidling past the officers before pushing the precinct doors open. She didn’t bother looking back as she slammed the door shut on JJ.

“Piper, talk to me.”

“Why?” Piper spat, whirling around. “I told you everything about my mom,” she yelled. “All of it. Is this how you pay my trust back?”

“What are you—”

“Don’t act so innocent JJ, please,” Piper scoffed humourlessly. “I _do not_ have the patience today. I am so sick of your insensitivity.”

“Piper, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really? ‘I couldn’t imagine leaving Henry like that’?” Piper recited.

“I never meant to make you feel like that,” JJ said as though it were an obvious fact. But Piper simply narrowed her eyes at her.

“Like what exactly?” Piper challenged her. “Like you’re some saint? Is that what you want to hear? That you’re better than these women?”

“I never said that” JJ protested.

“Oh, yeah? Guess what, Jennifer? We’re profilers,” Piper barked. “Behavioural analysts. More than half our arrests are based on what the unsub doesn’t say.”

“Piper—”

“You know what a good day is when you have depression, JJ? It’s when you have the energy to get out of bed in the morning and shower. When you remember to brush your teeth. So yeah, my mom was a little distant when she was diagnosed. But she was _never_ a bad mom. She did her best. And sometimes that isn’t enough. But you don’t get to come here and say you’re better than someone who’s hit rock bottom.”

“Piper, I didn’t say that.” JJ pleaded with Piper, but her face had softened. She had given up on JJ.

“You didn’t have to. But you have a job, you have purpose. You’re financially stable. You’re in a steady relationship. You’ve got a great support network,” Piper said. “Mrs Smith, she’s got everything going against her. She’s fighting a losing battle and this asshole decided the outcome before the game was even over. You want to know who the better mom is? It’s the woman who fought for her son. And yeah, she wanted to kill herself,” Piper said, arms gesturing widely. “She wanted everything to be over. But she fought like hell _for her son._ She fought to stay _alive_ for her son.” JJ met Piper’s dangerous gaze.

“I never said Mrs Smith was a bad mom,” JJ maintained quietly. “And I never said I was better than her.” Piper nodded, understanding.

“You’re right. You never said quite that did you?” Piper said. “No, she just wasn’t _mother of the year_. She just couldn’t take _10 seconds_ of her day to leave a voicemail. And you couldn’t imagine leaving Henry like _that_.” Piper’s fingers made quotation marks in the air. “Except she never actually did it, did she?” Piper asked, tilting her head curiously as JJ licked her lips. “No, her son was taken from her. And someone decided she wasn’t capable of taking care of her son. A 911 dispatcher decided they were better than Marlene and he killed her. So, maybe instead of looking everywhere for validation that you’re a good mother, maybe, just maybe, we should work on finding the unsub.” Piper didn’t bother waiting for her answer if she had one at all. She just walked away, deliberately bumping JJ’s shoulder as she made her way to the precinct, leaving the blonde woman standing in the dark autumn night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final pieces fall into place for Piper as she finally realises what the unsub's going through.

The team scattered for dinner. Piper decided to head back to the hotel for a shower and a change of clothes while Derek and Spencer had had enough of takeout and decided to head to a diner. Hotch and JJ had disappeared, probably discussing media tactics like they usually did. Rossi and Emily kept working while eating in the precinct. At least Emily was. Rossi seemed lost in thought, twirling his fork absentmindedly through his meal. “Rossi? Did you hear me?” Emily asked for the third time.

“Hmm? Sorry?”

“Uh... Morgan and I were joking around on the jet, but something is definitely up,” Emily said tentatively. “Is there anything you want to share?” Dave snorted.

“I’m the last person on this team you should be concerned about,” he scoffed.

“That doesn’t make you unimportant,” Emily said kindly. “C’mon. Spill. It’s what she would want.”

“It’s nothing,” Dave tried to dismiss before thinking better of it. “I had breakfast with Carolyn the other morning.”

“Carolyn…” Emily tried to place her name in the mental timeline of her team mated. “Is that wife number 4 or 5?” Dave dropped his fork, giving her a deadpan look.

“Look, let's get our facts straight. I only had 3 wives.” Emily realised her mistake, laughing slightly. “I mean, that's within the realm of reasonable.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” she laughed. “Which one was Carolyn?”

“Numero uno,” David said, making Emily nod sagely and hum in understanding. “Use your words, Emily.”

“Uh, there’s always something about the first,” Emily said, her smile fading as she spoke. “In anything.” Rossi was trying not to look too excited, Emily noted, shaking his head too much but the wrinkles around his eyes and forehead told a different story.

“I don't know, I might be way off here, but I think she's putting some feelers out to see if that old spark is still there.”

“Is it?” Emily asked conspiratorially, her eyes wide with amusement.

“I'm having her over to my house for dinner when I get back. I'm crazy, right?” David asked, leaning into Emily. Her amusement faded slowly as she took his words into account.

“We don't always get second chances in life, Rossi,” she said sagely. “I say take the plunge, see where it goes,” Emily said, almost ominously. But she was excited for the old man. So much of his life had been ruined by this job. His friendship with Gideon. Each of his wives. Any children he might have wanted. She truly wanted him to receive all of it. But it felt a lot like this case had soured all of that and as Emily returned to her dinner, she wondered if this case had changed Piper so much. On her best day, Piper was all love and patience. Kind to each and every one of them. She knew each of their truths, all of their history. She knew exactly which cases hurt them the most and exactly how to soothe them. But perhaps this was the reason. Perhaps it was the very nature of this case that made her like that. Determined to make sure they all knew that they were loved. Determined for them to know she was proud of them. And perhaps that was where the team so crucially failed her. Save for one person.

Piper picked up the small ornate box on her dresser, opening it and picking out four intricate rings, leaving the last two inside. Comfort washed over with the familiarity of her mother’s rings and she fingered the last one almost ritually, her thumb caressing the smooth, pretty wedding band, almost dropping it when someone rapped on her door. She sighed, hoping it wasn’t JJ. She didn’t have another fight left in her and she wasn’t in the mood for apologising. But familiar mop-headed curls greeted her. “Hungry?”

“Starving,” Piper said, smiling at Spencer’s warm doe-eyed gaze, clinging to the open door as Spencer walked inside.

“I heard about JJ,” he started, and Piper closed the door with a sigh.

“Not my finest moment.”

“I’d say it was your fiercest moment.”

“Now you’re playing with words,” Piper scoffed. “I’m gonna apologise, I just— I just expected better from her.” She grimaced as she said it. “And now I sound like my Dad.”

“You both have shared trauma,” Spencer said factually. “Look, you both know each other’s trauma better than anyone else. For you, it was your mom. For her, it was her sister.” Piper sighed deeply.

“I screwed up again,” Piper said quietly, still lingering by the door, staring at the floor.

“No, no, you didn’t,” Spencer said, leaving the box on a coffee table before moving to embrace her. He pressed soft kisses into her hair.

“I screwed up _again_ ,” she said miserably as Spencer pressed her body into his own.

“Piper, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He closed her eyes, willing her to believe his words. Her arm travelled up his torso to curl her fingers around his shoulder. His arms tucked around her waist, rubbing slow, soft circles into her back.

“I was so obsessed with my mom; I didn’t even think—”

“Hey!” Spencer scolded her gently, tucking his chin over her hair, letting soft, slightly damp strands of hair tickle his neck. “She did the same thing. And neither of you screwed up. It doesn’t make you or her a terrible person. And she’s probably thinking the exact same thing as you.” Piper made to protest but Spencer shut her up with a small warm brush of his lips against hers. “No buts, except yours on that bed, eating greasy food with me.” Piper snorted softly at Spencer’s insistence.

“You’re cute when you’re stubborn.” Piper smiled, going on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “Greasy food it is.” So, they ended up watching terrible soap operas, Piper’s head leaning on Spencer’s chest as he pointed out factual inaccuracies while she actually ate something, refusing to move until Spencer got multiple texts from Derek to meet them at the precinct. No-one was particularly surprised when they appeared together. Spencer was usually the best way to ground Piper, just like Aaron was the only one who worked with JJ long enough to ground her. Things weren’t perfect, but they were workable. Derek took it as a cue to press the speaker button on the receiver and Penelope’s voice filtered out.

“First off, you are on restriction from my inner Lamborghini,” Penelope said, scolding Derek with a tone so severe and unlike Penelope, it almost made Piper laugh. Almost.

“Garcia—” Derek interrupted, unable to ignore the slow smirk that spread on Spencer’s face. At least JJ managed to hide it and somehow, Aaron still showed no crack in his façade.

“I mean it. This high-performance engine may purr like a puma on the prowl, but this time, Derek, you have seriously overheated my engines and I will require some cool-down laps upon your return, if you know what I mean by that.”

“HR is going to be intolerable now,” Dave murmured to Emily.

“Garcia, you’re on speaker,” Derek announced and the slow realisation seemed to dawn on Penelope.

“I knew that,” she said quickly. “I'm calling to tell you, sir, there are 11 911 dispatchers in the greater St. Louis area that were on duty when the calls were placed but not working during the murder and abduction. Of those 11, there's one that fits your profile— George Kelling, age 27, 1181 Clay Street, Apartment 8. Sending his picture right now.”

“Do you know where he is now?” Aaron asked her.

“He was scheduled to work today. His supervisor said he showed up for his shift, but then he left early,” Penelope supplied, turning into seriousness.

“Can you get the log of all the calls he took tonight?” Dave asked.

“Yeah, of course. But there are a lot.”

“If he logged out early, there was probably something about that last case that triggered him,” Piper surmised.

“Garcia, skip to the last one,” Derek asked her.

“Last one is a domestic disturbance at 788 4th Avenue, number C. Attempted sexual assault of a young girl. Kelling dispatched the police and then he took off.” The team divided to take each house while Piper stayed behind to follow up on the unsub’s background. Derek, Emily and Dave took George’s house once they had the all clear to arrest him. Derek kicked down the door in his usual fashion, letting the other two begin flanking his either side before plunging deeper into the apartment to search for him.

“Garcia, are there any other properties on his name?” Piper asked, flicking through the paperwork detailing George’s life. “Maybe the parents or the foster family.”

Aaron didn’t have to bother kicking down the door or waiting for a key. The door was open, the lights on and the house empty. Piper’s words echoed in his head as he dialled David’s number. _Her blood is on your hands._ He updated the others on the situation as Spencer checked his cell. “Hotch, his foster family lived on a farm 10 miles northwest of the city on Parkhill Road. Piper’s ready to meet us there.”

“You’re sure she should be involved?” JJ asked Hotch.

“I don’t think we’ve got much of a choice.” He told David to meet him at the address. In the car, JJ posed another question while on speakerphone with the rest of the team.

“What I don’t understand is why he would keep Bobby but release Timothy?”

“If he wants to get rid of the parent, why not kill them first and then take the child,” Spencer added. “It's so much riskier to wait.”

“He needs something from the children,” Piper said through the cell, in her own SUV as she headed for the same address.

“What could they possibly give him?” JJ asked.

“Their approval,” David realised. “That's what he wants her to say.”

“Yeah, but no child would approve of killing their mother,” Emily said.

“But every child wants their mom to get better,” Piper said quietly through the cell. “I think I know what triggered our unsub.”


	6. Chapter 6

“His father abandoned the family when he was a baby, his mother committed suicide when he was 10 by jumping off a bridge," Piper said over the phone. "But there are hospital records of Kellings’s mom having slit her wrists just like Mrs Smith.”

“So, his mom killing herself made him feel worthless, right?” JJ asked.

“Yes, but not quite. Because if he felt worthless, he wouldn’t have a saviour complex. That requires psychopathic levels of self-esteem.”

“So, then what?”

“He was the first responder,” Piper said simply. “He saved her,” she said, pulling the car to a stop and within minutes, she was flanked by two SUVs.

“The foster father died years ago but the mother died last month,” Penelope said. “Heart attack.”

“That must have been the trigger,” Spencer surmised, joining Piper.

“I want the two of you and JJ to take the front with me, Rossi, take Emily and Derek to the back,” Aaron dismissed them before starting to make his way up the hill.

“Hotch,” Piper called out, her voice uneasy.

“Apology accepted, Bishop, now let’s go,” he dismissed her, and Piper shook her head before following him up to the house, preparing herself for what would come next. Spencer and Hotch took one room silently while JJ and Piper took the next, covering each other’s backs despite the awful fight they’d had before.

“Last room,” JJ whispered and Piper nodded, keeping her gun ready as the blonde turned the knob and wrested it open, flinging it wide so Piper had a clear view of the situation. George stood in the shadows, an arm hooked around Shannon's neck and the barrel of his gun was pointed straight at her mother. “FBI! George, drop the gun,” JJ said firmly.

“You have to let me finish. Nobody else can do it. Nobody's strong enough.”

“You really think this will make things better, George?” Piper asked, keeping her voice gentle as she stepped forward. “You really think you were better off without your mom?”

“Life changed, don’t you understand?”

“Better than you might think,” Piper tried. “Because my mother killed herself. And I wasn’t better off for it.”

“She was weak,” George said. “She killed herself and left me alone.”

“Did she? Or did you make that choice for her?” Piper asked. One more step and she could reach for the gun. “Like you did with Marlene Smith.”

“I helped her!” George protested. “I saved her.”

“You took away her choice, George. Just like you took away your mother’s. People can change if you let them. They can be wonderful just like your foster parents were.”

“You don’t get to talk about them!” George yelled, spit flying.

“Your mother fought so hard to stay alive,” Piper continued, inching forward. “Marlene fought so hard for her son.”

“She was in pain,” he insisted. “I had to help her.”

“This isn’t help. People have to fight their own battles sometimes. And no matter how much you want to help, there is nothing you can do to save them,” she said slowly, drawing out every word until she was close enough to grab his arm by the wrist and pulling it to aim at the wall as he squeezed the trigger. She let her other hand slam into his shoulder, taking it down to the ground painfully as JJ kicked the gun away. Spencer and Aaron crowded into the room as Piper slipped a pair of handcuffs onto the young 911 operator, her knee digging into his back and passed a knife to JJ. Spencer rushed to the closet, freeing Bobby from behind a locked door. Derek burst into the room, slightly surprised at how rapidly the situation de-escalated and Piper passed over George to him. Piper ran a hand through her hair as Spencer returned to her side, wrapping a comforting arm around her waist as Aaron left with Bobby and JJ left with Shannon and her mother.

“Can’t believe I missed all the action,” Spencer scoffed, throwing his glance around the room.

“You hate action,” Piper countered, furrowing her brow as she breathed heavily. “You fell asleep while watching Fast and the Furious.”

“That’s because Derek picks the worst movies to watch,” Spencer protested as they left the room, making Piper smile. It faded as they stepped out into the darkness and Piper caught sight of the blonde. Spencer followed her gaze and nodded slowly. “I’ll meet you at the hotel?”

“Yeah,” she said, absentmindedly, pressing a small kiss to Spencer’s knuckles before making her way down the small hill. JJ tried to make out Piper’s figure in the darkness as she approached, tucking a flying strand of hair behind her ear. “We should probably talk,” Piper said, out of earshot from the others.

“You know, there are seven of us and three cars,” JJ said nonchalantly. “It’s a lot easier to have a private conversation in a moving, enclosed space.”

“You are terrible at subtlety, you know that?”

“Says the woman who constantly loses at poker.”

“You are cruel,” Piper said, laughing as the two made their way to the car, as though nothing had happened. “And you’re driving,” she said, tossing her the keys.

“Missing your bike already?”

“Always,” Piper answered, closing the side door as she settled into the car. They pulled away from the others, streaking into the night. Piper fiddled with the rings on her fingers as JJ drove.

“You were right,” JJ blurted out. “I think somewhere deep down, I needed to know I was better than Marlene. That I wasn’t like…”

“Like Roslyn?” Piper supplied. “Yeah, I know what that feels like.”

“You’re turning 30 in a few weeks. It’s scary,” JJ said, making Piper snort with laughter. “What?”

“Nothing, just something Spencer said. He said that um, that we understand each other’s trauma better than anyone else on this team.”

“We don’t call him a genius for nothing, do we?” JJ snickered.

“Yeah.” Piper bit her lip, thinking. “I’m sorry for yelling.”

“Don’t be,” JJ dismissed. “I just, I’m scared. I’m scared that one day, I’m gonna wake up and have a bad day. This job and Henry, it’s the only thing that keeps me from spiralling. I need to know that I’m not going to end up like Marlene one day.” Piper was silent for a minute.

“You know, I meant everything I said with George. He didn’t want to watch his mom struggle. So, he made the choice for her.” Piper leaned her head back, letting out a sigh before continuing. “I saw my mom fight to get out of bed every day. Every day she made that choice to live. To see one more sunrise. Until one day she couldn’t take it anymore.” She glanced over at JJ before holding out her pinkie. “Promise me you will tell me if you ever have a bad day.” A slow, warm smile spread over JJ’s face.

“Pinkies swear,” she said, a small laugh escaping her lips. “If you do the same.”

“I will cut it off and give it to you myself if I don’t,” Piper said, laughing as JJ turned the radio on in the car and humming along to the song. It took no less than a minute for them to start belting the tune out like little kids on a family road trip, enjoying each other’s company and savouring the music. “By the way, do you have any idea why Spencer keeps asking me about shoes?” Piper asked her on the tarmac.

“What?” JJ asked, laughing as she packed up their bags into the stowaway cabin.

“He keeps asking me how many pairs of shoes are normal for a woman.”

“Maybe he wants to get you a pair for your birthday?” JJ asked her.

“I’ve never gotten shoes for my birthday,” Piper countered. “I’ve gotten socks and an endless supply of mittens because my grandma keeps saying, ‘America is cold’.” JJ laughed, clapping Piper on the shoulder.

“Look, whenever Spencer does something out of the ordinary, it’s always safe to assume that Derek’s behind it,” JJ said. “C’mon, you up for a game of poker?”

“You only ask because you love beating me.”

“Get better at card games then. You in or out?” Piper sighed softly.

“Deal me in,” she grumbled, taking her seat on the jet next to Emily.


End file.
